|
accentz
|
 |
« on: May 20, 2009, 06:23:11 AM » |
|
How Not to Go Autocrossing
Most everyone knows that Lelane bought herself a race car. She picked up a 1988 Nissan Sentra setup for SCCA road racing. She and Roy spent all week getting the car ready for its first shot at autocross glory this past weekend. Sunday morning dawned with clear skies and warm temperatures (okay it was cloudy as hell but it wasn’t raining). The car was already on the trailer with everything hooked up and ready to go. They climbed in Roy’s ambulance with smiles on their faces and set off for a day of fun with cars and friends. It wasn’t going to last very long.
The adventure started when they pulled up to the gate at Little Creek Naval Base. The guards checked their names against the access list and that part was good. Then the officer told Roy to pull the ambulance to the side of the lane, shut the engine down and open all the compartments. So Roy did just that. He pulled over as far as he could, killed the engine and started opening compartments, there are a lot of compartments in an ambulance. Now there is just no way to pull a 5 ton ambulance with a car trailer hooked to the back over far enough in a lane to let other cars get by so needless to say a line formed quickly waiting to get through the gate. The officer made a quick walk around, stuck his head inside the box and was satisfied that they weren’t transporting any high tech spy stuff, illegal aliens or weapons of mass destruction then told Roy he could go. That’s when things got interesting. The trucks starter decided it was happy right where it was and refused to turn the motor over. It would just spin and raise a bunch of racket. Now the line is even longer. He tried all the tricks like beating it with a hammer, turning the motor a little manually, cussing at it, call it names and everything else he could think of but nothing worked. The starter refused to anything productive. The guards finally opened the other lane so at least the other people (whose vehicles are working) could get on base. Crawling under the truck Roy looks up and sees the starter sitting on the frame rail with both bolts broken off.
Well that does it. This truck ain’t going no where. One of the people coming through the gate was going to the autoX so they asked him to relay a request for one of the guys to bring a truck back to the gate to “tow this pig out of the way”. The officer told him that he could leave the truck in the parking lot outside the gate for a while until he could work on it. They unhooked the trailer and one of the guys came back, towed the ambulance to the parking lot, hooked up the trailer and pulled the trailer to the AutoX. Lelane could at least drive her new car. While there was some down time before the autoX got into full swing Lelane hitched a ride back to her house to get her car so at least they would have some way to get around.
Okay, now the autoX gets going and half way through the first run group a cold front comes through. The skies open up with a torrential rain and a thirty knot wind is coming off the bay and straight up the ramp that the course is setup on. The officials stop the competition and after about 20 minutes with no change in the weather they decide to cancel the event. But that didn’t matter to Lelane because she had already decided “I ain’t racing in this crap; let’s load it back on the trailer”. So back onto the trailer the car goes. Did I mention it was raining cats and dogs? Steve Shell is conned into dragging the trailer out and dumping it beside the broken down ambulance. Once everything was buttoned up Lelane drove Roy back to his house to pick up the one tool left in his garage he hasn’t put in the ambulance. Isn’t it always the case? You load up a toolbox with every conceivable tool under the sun EXCEPT the one you need.
Knowing that Lelane was much too smart to stand out in the rain while he worked on the truck (oh she’d do it alright, but there would be hell to pay later) Roy called his friend Wayne Lewis and begged him to come help fix the ambulance. Wayne surprisingly said he’d be right over. Now when one guy eagerly volunteers to help some idiot work on a broke truck in the middle of a storm, that’s a sign of true friendship (or blind stupidity). While waiting for Wayne to show up Roy gets one of his bright ideas, which is usually very dangerous. Thinking “I’m a diver with a bunch of scuba gear and rain is water, I should wear my wetsuit jacket to go work on the truck”. Whether this is a good idea has yet to be determined. Wayne shows up, they discuss the plan of attack, collect some toys and off they go to do battle with a mechanical monster clad in rubber armor.
Once back to the truck they lay out the tools, throw a piece of carpet under the ambulance and get to work. Did I mention that the rain hasn’t stopped, slowed, changed direction or shown any sign of doing any of the above? Roy, being a machinist, has removed hundreds of broken bolts. Just never while lying under a truck in a rain storm that would make Noah duck and cover. The bolts were broken off below the surface of the block so getting a drill point in the center of the bolts was easy. Then Roy proceeds to drill a small hole right down the edge of the bolt so that half the hole is in the bolt the other half is in the block. Some damn machinist you are. An easyout is inserted into the hole and the bolt doesn’t turn. Imagine that since now he’s basically inserted a key into it preventing any kind of movement of the bolt. He is smart enough (or was it luck) not to break the easyout. “Since this hole is going to fight me I’ll move to the next hole. He managed to start this one on center for a change and as soon as the drill got a good bite the bolt screwed itself further into the hole. This was actually a good thing because it showed that it wasn’t frozen in the hole and actually came back out very easily with the help of an easyout. Well at least something worked right.
Roy’s next bright idea was to try to put the starter back in with only one bolt just to get the ambulance back to the house. It only had to start one time and he was home free. He gets the starter attached to the block with one bolt and hits the key to no avail. It makes the same grinding noise it did that morning. Alright, take the starter back out and actually look at it this time. Yep, it’s done. The pinion shaft that the gear rides on is wobbling all over the place. Time to go get a new starter.
The first auto parts store they pass is Auto Zone. The boys walk into the store dipping wet, leaving puddles where ever they walk. Roy says “I need a starter for an ambulance”. The guy behind the counter says “a what? followed by “yeah right”. Okay try this and Roy describes the truck and they actually have one in stock. Roy mentions that he’d bought it at Auto Zone a few years ago and the magic computer actually remembered it plus it turned out to have a life time warrantee. SWEET!!!! That saved him 250 bucks. That may seem like a lot of money for a starter (and it is) but you have to remember there is absolutely nothing light duty on an ambulance (except maybe its owner). It weighs 5 tons empty for a reason. They’re built like a tank.
Now the boys get back with the new FREE starter and hang it on the engine with one bolt. Did I mention it’s still raining? Roy hits the key and success. The motor actually turns but doesn’t start. That’s normal because Roy also hasn’t replaced the glow plugs yet so it takes some time to get the diesel running. I can’t imagine why the starter died. The key is hit the second time and the starter just spins. Damn. Alright back under the truck Roy sees that the bolt has loosened up. Wait how can that be when he’d just tightened it? That’s because when the other bolt broke it cracked the side of the tab on the block that it was screwed into. Okay, back to the first hole. Using his years of experience as a machinist (or he just got lucky for a change) he was able to get a small hole drilled on center this time. Just for giggles an easyout was put in the new hole and guess what. The broken bolt came out this time. You know when you actually get the thing into the bolt instead of just shoving a piece of steel between the side of the bolt and the tapped hole it might just work. Roy also noticed that the broken piece didn’t go all the way to the bottom of the second hole. There were still some good threads there and he actually had a longer bolt. So now the new starter is in with two bolts (well actually one and a half but who’s counting). Everybody crosses their fingers, knocks on wood, prays to the gods of internal combustion engines and everything else they can think of to ward off evil spirits. The key is inserted again and this time it turns the motor smoothly but doesn’t start. Wayne yelps for joy but Roy reminds him it did the same thing the last time. A second attempt is made and again it turns smoothly but doesn’t start. Remember the glow plug issue? On the third attempt the engine fires and roars to life. The boys quickly hook up the trailer and head for the house where it’s warm and dry (plus the beer is waiting). Another battle won, another dragon slain. Now get off your butt and fix the damn glow plugs!!!!!
So, what happens on the drive home? The rain quits. Oh and the wetsuit thing? It worked out pretty good. Roy’s torso stayed mostly dry.
I’d like to thank a bunch of people that helped me the other day. One of the greatest things about racing is the people. Without your help it would have been a bad day.
Jeff – Warped for hanging around in the beginning and getting Lelane to the course.
Shawn Lambert for pulling the ambulance out of the way and dragging my trailer to the autoX. So what is the towing capacity of your truck anyway?
Sean McConnel for lending me his battery drill. I drained all the water, cleaned most of the grease and some of the blood off it before I brought it back.
Steve Shell for dragging the trailer back out the gate.
Elaine Shell for taking Lelane to get her car and constantly checking on us.
Wayne Lewis for being stupid enough to stand in the rain and help me.
|
Forum 
